How to get your ex back

Before you downright shoot down this question with the answer ‘No’ - understand what is making you ask this question in the first place. Understand that this is a much better idea than googling facts about getting back at your ex. Revenge is never a healing medicine. Analyzing why you want to get back with your ex will help you build a healthier relationship in the future. This healthy relationship could be with yourself, someone new, or your ex!

Here are a few pointers to help you decide, ‘Is getting back to your ex a good idea?’

Reasons for getting back to your ex

Finding out why you want to get back with your ex will help you build a healthier relationship with yourself and him/her. It will bring out facts previously ignored. Start with identifying reasons why you want to get back together. Here are some:

Missing your ex

The obvious reason is that you miss them. But dig deeper, do you miss your ex, or do you miss being in a relationship? If it is the latter, then do not reach out to them. It is common for people to reach out to someone familiar when feeling lonely, often called rebounding.

When you rebound with an ex you will feel better in the beginning, but sooner or later you will have to face the same truth that separated you both.

You both want the same thing(s)

It is very rare to find both people on the same page in a relationship. One might want to move forward with more responsibilities, while the other might like to take it slow. It would be the reason for a lot of breakups. Time will make the couple want the same levels of commitment and responsibility like marriage, children, etc. It would make you want to connect with your ex and talk about it.

Your past issues have disappeared

Time can make issues disappear in a relationship. For example, unemployment, long-distance, and busy schedules aren’t permanent issues. If such issues were the reason for your break up, reaching out to your ex when the issues have vanished is normal.

The world is ending!

Agreed, this is an over-exaggeration. But research suggests that one in five people were texting their exes while in isolation due to COVID-19. A fleeting sense of a disastrous future would make us reach out to our loved ones, including our ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.

Pros and Cons

Now that you know the most common reasons for getting back to your ex, figure out whether it is a bad or good idea.

Disadvantages of going back to your ex

You never solve past issues.
You get stuck in the same cycle of abuse and fights.
You are unable to move forward in life.
Your friends and family think it is a bad idea.
You give your ex a sense of superiority by making the first initiation to get back.

Advantages of going back to your ex

You can avoid the initial awkwardness that comes with dating someone new.
You already know your problems as a couple and can sort them out.
Breaking up and staying apart would have given you both clarity.
You can open up about previous mistakes and apologize.

Approaches on how to get your ex back

If you have decided on getting back together with your ex, here are some tested and trusted pointers to follow:

Take it slow

Getting back with your ex does not mean starting off where you left. It means starting anew. So don’t skip steps to building a beautiful relationship like dating, chatting, hanging out, etc. These will allow you time to think and reflect more.

Talk about past

It might be hard to listen to what your ex did after breaking up with you. But don’t avoid this confrontation. It will help you and your ex figure out what was missing in the past relationship.

What is different now?

An important point to note down. Discuss how you and your ex have changed since the breakup. Do you want the same things now? Or are you both still on different pages in life?

Why give this relationship another chance?

Truth hurts

Be ready to feel hurt. Asking your ex about cheating and lies is difficult. Even more difficult is hearing the truth about it. But it will truly set you free.

You will know everything needed to either continue or end the relationship.